How to Tell When Love is Over…
| Many or my clients ask what does it mean when their spouse or lover constantly criticizes or berates them privately or publicly, won’t come home at night until late, has private phone calls they can’t hear, dresses up when they leave home to go out for a supposed errand, or generally abuses them verbally, mentally, emotionally, or sometimes even physically? |
Sadly, this is the behavior they are using to let you know they want OUT of the relationship. They are too gutless to simply use the truth so they will attack until the other partner gives up and says just leave. This is exactly what they are hoping for. If you say go, then they can turn to the family and loved ones and manipulatively say. “I would have stayed, but they threw me out.” They don’t want people to blame them.
This takes care of all of the blame that they are hoping to place on you. They will literally shame and harass you until they get exactly what they want. This is very much like a small child staging a “fit” in the grocery store, yelling, raging, maybe even holding their breathe, until they get their way.
Shame and blame are the most commonly used tactics to hurt, end, and destroy love when one partner wants to go and is looking for a way out. When this happens to you, you may spend months “in shock”, trying to “save the love”, but to no avail. The blamer is determined to get out.
They will do whatever it takes to stop the love to be free of you, often lying and accusing you of things you never did or would ever do. This is incredibly hurtful and leaves emotional scars for a lifetime if you allow it.
When your Holy Spirit is telling you, something is not right, something is terribly wrong here; it is trying to lead you to realize the painful truth and make the changes you must. Remember often lovers will pretend to be something they are not. If you fall in love with a lie you cannot blame yourself in the future.
You can however, watch closely as you get to know them, listen carefully to exactly what they are saying, NOT what you want to hear, be honest with yourself if they are giving you RED FLAGS OF DYSFUNCTIONAL BEHAVIOR, and make a clear assessment of exactly who and what they are as a person, BEFORE YOU COMMIT TO THEM.
Being honest with yourself BEFORE you are legally, emotionally, financially, physically, intellectually, and spiritually committed to them, will save you a world of sorrow in the future.